I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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