please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
