return my video game
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
