I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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