im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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