I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize