she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
