I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
