You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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