What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize