I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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