I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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