so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
