Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize