I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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