Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
