Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
