Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
