Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
