Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
