I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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