drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
