wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we made out on top of his cat.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
