I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
