I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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