Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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