Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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