I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
