And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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