i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
