so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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