hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
