Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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