Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
