We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
