Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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