I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
