it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
