Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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