i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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