I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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