She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im holly from the hills drunk
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
