he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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