Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
