I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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