You can't special order awesome
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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