I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
