I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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