I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
