I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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