btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
