you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
