I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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