Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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