I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
