You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
