Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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