people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i think my cat just said my name.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
