I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
