the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
