She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
