would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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