What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
