woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
