I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
