just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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