She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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