After last night, I could never be a politician.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
