Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
