Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
