Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
