Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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