Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
